Hi Faith Collins, My son is 2 and I feel like we are in a constant power struggle. I know it’s somewhat normal but I hate this, and feel bad about it. I feel like I’m constantly giving him choices but if feels manipulative. For instance, if we’re walking home from the store and he decides to lay down in the path, I’ll give him a minute to rest (though it’s not from tiredness) and then say “okay, time to walk home.” He’ll often just lay there, so I’ll say “okay, you can choose to walk, or get carried.” If he doesn’t choose, I’ll say, “if you don’t want to choose, I’ll choose for you” (I try to say it in a kind way, not a threatening way). I’ve even been using your technique of saying “it looks like you need help choosing,” or if he gets upset that I’m carrying him and says he wants to walk I usually give him one chance to walk and if it doesn’t work I’ll say “okay, I’m going to make the choice now – I’ll carry you.” I will tell him his time for choosing is over and he can choose again next time. However, even with these words (which are very helpful) it still feels like a constant power struggle – this type of thing happens all day long. I know he is figuring out his place in the world and our family, and I want to encourage this. I’m wondering how you deal with particularly stubborn toddlers. You have so many wonderful ideas for how to talk with kids so I was hoping you could elaborate on how you would handle a situation, like the one above, with child that was just not cooperating?
Dear Mama,